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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Love and Logic Day #8

Day 8

Empathy allows us to remain the 'good guy' while the child's poor decisions remain the bad guy.

It’s ok to take a firm stand on a desired behavior.  Your voice needs to sound firm, NOT angry!  Tone of voice and body language.  Demand responsible behavior.  Look your child in the eyes, stand tall, and do not tremble or quiver.

Rehearse, mentally  your new techniques before trying them out on the children. 


While shopping remember that we as adults touch and examine products.  Our children are trying to learn to be big, by copying adult behavior, hence the reason they touch everything in the store.  Learning through modeling.

Tell children to touch only those things that he can afford to pay for.  Spend time practicing which things touch and handle and how to handle those items.  Give positive praise when they touch and handle things properly.  Before shopping have a brief review.  Teach, practice, reinforce. 


It is impossible to control the thoughts and actions of another person. 

Set up situations in which the child or person decides it is best or in their best interest to do as asked, (coming to dinner for instance or waiting till breakfast to eat).   

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Love and Logic Day #7

Day 7

When children threaten to move out because you won’t buy or do something for them.

“I’m not doing/buying that or anything today, but I’ll still love you, wherever you live”.


When child is misbehaving at the table or making a mess, “Oh, goody, meal’s over”.  They will eat for sure at the next meal. 

1.  Eat nicely and have all you want.

2.  Act out an end the meal immediately.

When children do not eat their meal and are excused, they will complain later.  Do not give in to them.  Make them wait until the next meal.  Express empathy by saying, “Yes, I get really hungry too if I don’t eat enough when I have the chance.  But don’t worry, we’ll be eating again soon.”

Make your word Gold.  Only make statements that can be enforced.  Enforceable statements say what we will allow, what we will do or what we will provide. 

Be sure to practice your techniques often.


Sunday, October 27, 2013

Love and Logic Days #4, 5, & 6

Day 4

Struggle:  Give children more responsibility, by making chores and tasks a top priority.

Be consistent in your expectations about chores and tasks. 

Chores and tasks at home come first, before any other activities, jobs, or homework.

Do not overcompensate, so as to change what was not good in our childhood into something opposite—but still not good.  Don’t trade bad for bad. 

Do not let your child play Mom against Dad.  Mom and Dad need to have a consistent set of expectations for their child.  Children must put forth effort to get the things they need and want. 

Parents stick together and support each other when child confronts you.


Day 5

Limits provide the security children need to develop self-confidence.

No, is a fighting word. 

Force the children to do most of the thinking.  Replace No with Yes.

Thinking words instead of fighting words.

I’m sure that’s true. . . and feel free to __________________

I bet that’s true, too, . . . and

That could be true, too,. . . and

Day 6

The Strategic Training Session:

Have set up with someone to come and get your child and take them home to their bedroom if for instance you are out shopping and they are being onry.  You can give them the choice to go to their room or use a quiet voice.  When they choose their room, call the person you’ve chosen and have them come and pick up the child from the store, take them home, and put them in their room.  Next time this occurs they are sure to think twice about their decision.



Think about what you say to the children when they are sassy or talk back to you.  Do they feel criticized?  Most people have a hard time with criticism, even if well intended.  Criticism does not bring on long term behavior changes, instead it breed resentment and erodes self-confidence. 


It does not pay to discuss problems with children when they are upset, only when they are happy.  Listen without defending or judging.  When they are done, be sure to say, Thanks for sharing.


Eliminate criticism, help child express his real feelings, help them find new words to express how they feel.


Empathy with consequences forces a child to think about his or her mistakes instead of being mad at the parent.


Children must have control we want them to have.  Don’t keep reminding them of things they need to do.  When they suffer the consequences they will think about their choices.  Maybe ask them, what are you going to do?  This makes them think about how to solve their issue, so it doesn’t happen again.  It’s their problem. Don’t punish them for their mistakes by taking things or privileges away, this will change the situation from a child who is a thinker to a child who wants to fight.  We must give equal parts of consequences and empathy. 


Deciding how much control and how much freedom to give and when to give it. 

Some children start out with to much control, they become angry and act out.  When the parent places limitations on them they become more angry.  They feel they are being robbed of something that is rightfully theirs.


Parents need to give out control in increasing amounts. 

Birth - Toddler:  mittens or gloves – chocolate milk or white milk

Elementary:  soccer team or swim team – how to spend their allowance

Junior High:  study after school or in the evening

High School:  just about everything

Leave Home - Adult:  everything      


This creates healthy and loving families.


The inverted V causes children to tantrum.  When the rules are tightened the child is constantly angry due to loss of privileges and control and is always saying, it’s not fair, you are always treating me like a child. 


Children need to have the opportunity to make decisions, within structure.

Firm limits. 

Each year the child gains a little bit more control than the last year.


Friday, October 25, 2013

Love and Logic Day #3

Day 3

Responsible behavior vs. blind obedience:

Responsible behavior by providing children with advice and a range of choices that carry consequences.

Blind obedience is threats, intimidation, force, and commands.


Making dependent babies into independent adults, children must constantly be faced with decisions.

Parents who give choices and consequences discover that they actually have more control over their children than parents who boss their kids around.


Reasonable and firm limits for children. 

Children with limits are more secure, easier to teach, don’t act out as much, have high self-confidence.

Firm limits are a gift of love.  Orders do not set limits.

Describe to the child what you are going to do, what you are willing to do, instead of telling them what to do. We set limits by offering choices. 



More and more independence so that the child makes most of his own decisions during the last three years in the home. (15-18).

They make decisions & live with the consequences of their choices. 

Start with choices with minor consequences and gradually move to chocices with severe or complex consequences.

Children need to struggle & overcome adversity.

Parents must demand responsible behavior.  Demand careful thought.  Demand problem-solving.

Offer a number of choices or ask what she thinks will be best.



Questions, answers, and consequences.

Child can choose where they are going as long as the parent can get ahold of them in an emergency.  If plans change child needs to let parent know. 

Child sets the parents alarm clock for the time they plan to be home.  Child must sneak into parents room and turn off the alarm without waking the parent before the alarm goes off.  If alarm goes off and child hasn’t called to let parent know plans changed, parent will worry and call for some help for the child.

Thank child for the phone call informing parent of plan changes.

If child breaks curfew without notification, then asks to go out again, tell them you don’t have the energy to worry about them.  They are free to go another night after the parent has caught up on the sleep lost over worrying about the child the last time they were out. 

Child asks for help preparing something, parent says ordinarily they’d be happy to, but they are to tired from the last night of sleep lost over worry, so they will have to ask the parent some other time.


Thursday, October 24, 2013

Love and Logic Day #2

Day 2

We send our children messages through facial expression, body tone, and tone of voice. Children should feel capable, lovable, and valuable.

Winks, nods, smiles, eye contact, touches, nonverbal encouragement.



School for children: 

Parents and children learn how to talk to each other in safe and supportive ways.

Have child point out the best things he did on his papers.

Have your child describe the reasons for her success.

Work with your children on mistakes only when you’re asked to help.

Be patient.  Have faith.


Timing in reasoning with children is crucial.

Children must be in a receptive emotional state to “hear” a parents advice.

Let children experience the natural consequences of his behavior.

Reason with a child when both parent and child are happy.

Bedtime Routine:

The challenges of adolescence can be harder for parents to deal with than for their kids

Bedtime is a time of frustration for many parents. They wish it could be a magical time to reconnect with children and share fond memories. Here are some easy ways to make those dreams come true:

Bedroom Time vs. Bedtime
The journey to bedtime bliss starts with renaming bedtime. Kids need to think of this time as "bedroom time." It's a time for them to be in their rooms, but not necessarily with their eyes closed. Wise parents never try to control the uncontrollable. "You get in your bed and go to sleep, right now!" creates a power struggle over something parents cannot control. A skillful child can keep a parent engaged with this argument for hours.

Slowdown Time
Bedroom time is a journey in itself. It starts with "slowdown time." A slowdown routine is essential. Children's brains operate at a high pitch and don't shut down as quickly as adult brains. Parents should announce the beginning of slowdown time about 40 minutes before bedroom time.

Slowdown time includes turning off stimulating activities such as television, exciting music, and family games. It also is a wonderful time to give kids choices:

·                               "Do you want to go to bed right now or in 10 minutes?"

·                               "Do you want to brush your teeth in the kitchen or the bathroom?"

·                               "Do you want a story first or your bath first?"

·                               "Do you want a drink in the kitchen or in your room?"

·                               "Do you want a piggy back ride or walk on your own?"

·                               "Do you want the light on or off?"

·                               "Do you want to get tucked in or do it yourself?"

·                               "Do you want to go to sleep right away or try to keep your eyes open as long as you can?"

There is magic in choices. They speak directly to the human need for control and can produce amazing results. Be sure to offer choices you like. Never give one choice you like and one you don't.

The kids are given no more than 10 seconds to make their decisions. If it takes longer, make the decision for them. Kids become quick decision-makers when they know their parents will be making the decision for them if they don't act quickly.

Some children like to negotiate in the face of choices. Resist the temptation to argue or reason at this time. Use Love and Logic® arguing neutralizers, such as "I love you too much to argue about that, maybe you'll like tomorrow's choices better." Repeat this phrase as often as necessary without sarcasm or anger.

Remember there is nothing more contagious than a yawn. Experiment with yawning and acting sleepy during story time. It's great fun to watch the drooping eyelids.

Parent Time
Once the kids are in their room, that's where they stay. Announce that "kid's time" is over and it is now "parent's time." Stick to your guns on this.

Kids have been known to resort to, "It's scary in here. There's monsters in my room."

Just remember kids take their emotional cues from their parents. The best solution is to respond in a firm, yet loving way: "Well, sweetie, my advice is to make friends with them. See you in the morning. I love you!"

Give these Love and Logic® tips a try, and join thousands of parents who enjoy peaceful evenings with their kids!

Use what works for your family.  Here’s mine:

Bedtime Routine


·       Would you like a snack, or drink?


·       Would you like to brush your teeth before, or after your bath?


·       Would you like to take a bath first, or second?


·       Would you like to wear warm, or cool pajamas?


·       Would you like me to brush your hair, or would you prefer to do it yourself?


·       Would you like to choose the song, or say the prayer for scripture time?


·       Would you like a story, or a lullaby tonight?


·       Would you like a piggy back ride, or walk to your room?


·       Would you like to turn your night lights on and bedroom light off, or shall I do it?


·       Would you like me to tuck you in, or do you want to do it yourself?


·       Would you like to go to sleep right away, or try to keep your eyes open as long as you can?


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Love and Logic Day #1

I just received a book on loan from a dear friend of mine. 

The Love and Logic Journal by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D.

Day #1
  • Don’t show love by hovering or constantly trying to control.  Show love by always being available with advice.
  • Gain control by giving some up:  give your child positive control by offering alternatives. 

I am a very impatient, intolerant, hovering, and controlling mother.  Today my son did not want to put his jacket on before going to school, despite the fact that it is 35 degrees Farenheight outside.  I offered a positive alternative by asking him to at least carry his jacket to school, just in case he needed it later.  It worked!  No tantrum, no arguing, and he was happy to take his jacket.     

Monday, October 21, 2013

Picture of Elder Timothy J. Rumsey

Timothy is serving for the LDS church in the Oklahoma City, Oklahoma mission.  He emailed me today and this is what he said:

I got your package before email.  Thank you so much.  That was EXCATLY what I needed.  You are so cool!  Thank you so much.  Try this picture.

I had sent him a care package last week with various items in it that I thought he would like.  Guess I hit it right on.  So very proud of the example Timothy is setting for our family, and for those he can share his love of our Savior with. 

I asked him if he'd been working out.  His reply:
Well yes I have been working out, ha ha, but its nothing compared to that Tongan next to me.


Sunday, October 20, 2013

Elder Rumsey

I asked Elder Timothy Rumsey who is serving in the Oklahoma City, Oklahoma LDS Mission what they do for service.  He replied:

We go to a food pantry and help them move heavy stuff, and give food out to the poor, or just do yard work for people that need it.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Chewy Oatmeal Cookies


  •  3 cups Fat Free Vanilla Chobani Yogurt or Unsweetened Applesauce
  •  3 cups packed brown sugar
  •  1 tablespoon baking soda
  •  6 cups quick-cooking oats
  •  1/2 cup sugar



  1. In a large bowl, cream yogurt or applesauce and brown sugar. Combine flour and baking soda; gradually add to creamed mixture. Transfer to a large bowl; knead in oats.
  2. Shape into 1-1/2-in. balls, then roll in sugar. Place 2 in. apart on cooking sprayed baking sheets. Bake at 350° for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Remove to wire racks to cool. Yield: about 8 dozen.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Hand Warmers Gift

Photo by Rumsey Liebes
These little pillows filled with rice,
Are such a comforting device.
Microwave for 30 seconds to 1 minute on high,
And kiss those Cold hands good-bye.
Thanks for all you do for our son,
You are the teacher that is #1!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Crockpot Chicken Noodle Soup

Makes 10 servings (Increase/Decrease).
  • 3 ½ pound · Broiler-fryer -- cut up, -skinned
  • 2 medium · Carrot -- peeled and chopped
  • ½ cup · Onion -- chopped
  • 2 · Celery stalk -- chopped
  •  2 teaspoon · Dried parsley flakes
  • ¾ teaspoon · Dried marjoram leaves
  • ½ teaspoon · Dried basil leaves
  • ¼ teaspoon · Poultry seasoning
  • ¼ teaspoon · Pepper
  • 1 · Bay leaf
  • 2 quart · -- Water
  • 2 ½ cup · Medium egg noodles -- uncooked


  • 1 Place first 4 ingredients in 3 1/2-quart slow cooker in order listed. Combine next 6 ingredients; sprinkle over vegetables. Add 6 cups water; cover and cook on low setting 8 to 10 hours. Remove chicken and bay leaf; add remaining 2 cups water. Stir in noodles and cook, cov-ered, on high setting 20 minutes. Meanwhile remove bones from chicken and cut chicken into bite-size pieces. Add to slow cooker, stir to mix. Cook 15 minutes on high setting, covered or until noodles are tender.
I used frozen chicken breasts, and then when I added the noodles I also added 8 ounces of Fat Free Cream Cheese.

Pumpkin Pie Spice

A staple spice of many fall favorites, pumpkin pie spice is incredibly easy (and economical) to make at home!

3 tablespoons ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons ground nutmeg...
1 ½ teaspoons ground allspice
1 ½ teaspoons ground cloves

Mix the spices together in a small bowl and take a little whiff. (Smells like heaven, right?) Store the mixture in a clean small jar or spice container.

Beautiful Old Buildings