Day 4
Struggle: Give
children more responsibility, by making chores and tasks a top priority.
Be consistent in your expectations about chores and
tasks.
Chores and tasks at home come first, before any other
activities, jobs, or homework.
Do not overcompensate, so as to change what was not good in
our childhood into something opposite—but still not good. Don’t trade bad for bad.
Do not let your child play Mom against Dad. Mom and Dad need to have a consistent set of
expectations for their child. Children
must put forth effort to get the things they need and want.
Parents stick together and support each other when child
confronts you.
Day 5
Limits provide the security children need to develop
self-confidence.
No, is a fighting word.
Force the children to do most of the thinking. Replace No with Yes.
Thinking words instead of fighting words.
I’m sure that’s true. . . and feel free to
__________________
I bet that’s true, too, . . . and
That could be true, too,. . . and
Day 6
The Strategic Training Session:
Have set up with someone to come and get your child and take
them home to their bedroom if for instance you are out shopping and they are
being onry. You can give them the choice
to go to their room or use a quiet voice.
When they choose their room, call the person you’ve chosen and have them
come and pick up the child from the store, take them home, and put them in
their room. Next time this occurs they
are sure to think twice about their decision.
Criticism:
Think about what you say to the children when they are sassy
or talk back to you. Do they feel
criticized? Most people have a hard time
with criticism, even if well intended.
Criticism does not bring on long term behavior changes, instead it breed
resentment and erodes self-confidence.
It does not pay to discuss problems with children when they
are upset, only when they are happy.
Listen without defending or judging.
When they are done, be sure to say, Thanks for sharing.
Eliminate criticism, help child express his real feelings,
help them find new words to express how they feel.
Empathy with consequences forces a child to think about his
or her mistakes instead of being mad at the parent.
Children must have control we want them to have. Don’t keep reminding them of things they need
to do. When they suffer the consequences
they will think about their choices. Maybe
ask them, what are you going to do? This
makes them think about how to solve their issue, so it doesn’t happen
again. It’s their problem. Don’t punish
them for their mistakes by taking things or privileges away, this will change
the situation from a child who is a thinker to a child who wants to fight. We must give equal parts of consequences and
empathy.
Deciding how much control and how much freedom to give and
when to give it.
Some children start out with to much control, they become
angry and act out. When the parent
places limitations on them they become more angry. They feel they are being robbed of something
that is rightfully theirs.
Parents need to give out control in increasing amounts.
Birth - Toddler:
mittens or gloves – chocolate milk or white milk
Elementary: soccer
team or swim team – how to spend their allowance
Junior High: study
after school or in the evening
High School: just
about everything
Leave Home - Adult:
everything
This creates healthy and loving families.
The inverted V causes children to tantrum. When the rules are tightened the child is
constantly angry due to loss of privileges and control and is always saying,
it’s not fair, you are always treating me like a child.
Children need to have the opportunity to make decisions,
within structure.
Firm limits.
Each year the child gains a little bit more control than the
last year.
