Responsible behavior vs. blind obedience:
Responsible behavior by providing children with advice and a range of choices that carry consequences.
Blind obedience is threats, intimidation, force, and commands.
Making dependent babies into independent adults, children must constantly be faced with decisions.
Parents who give choices and consequences discover that they actually have more control over their children than parents who boss their kids around.
Reasonable and firm limits for children.
Children with limits are more secure, easier to teach, don’t act out as much, have high self-confidence.
Firm limits are a gift of love. Orders do not set limits.
Describe to the child what you are going to do, what you are willing to do, instead of telling them what to do. We set limits by offering choices.
More and more independence so that the child makes most of his own decisions during the last three years in the home. (15-18).
They make decisions & live with the consequences of their choices.
Start with choices with minor consequences and gradually move to chocices with severe or complex consequences.
Children need to struggle & overcome adversity.
Parents must demand responsible behavior. Demand careful thought. Demand problem-solving.
Offer a number of choices or ask what she thinks will be best.
Questions, answers, and consequences.
Child can choose where they are going as long as the parent can get ahold of them in an emergency. If plans change child needs to let parent know.
Child sets the parents alarm clock for the time they plan to be home. Child must sneak into parents room and turn off the alarm without waking the parent before the alarm goes off. If alarm goes off and child hasn’t called to let parent know plans changed, parent will worry and call for some help for the child.
Thank child for the phone call informing parent of plan changes.
If child breaks curfew without notification, then asks to go out again, tell them you don’t have the energy to worry about them. They are free to go another night after the parent has caught up on the sleep lost over worrying about the child the last time they were out.
ORChild asks for help preparing something, parent says ordinarily they’d be happy to, but they are to tired from the last night of sleep lost over worry, so they will have to ask the parent some other time.