Love and Logic Days #22, 23, & 24

Day 22

"Highly skilled teachers get kids to attempt difficult things. Then, this wonderful transfer effect takes place and the kid says, 'I wonder what ELSE I can do!'"

Love your kids? Remember to let your face know

"I'll know you are ready for ______ when you are being really responsible in other areas."

"Kids learn better from mistakes when we stay quiet and let the consequence be the 'bad guy'."

When we set limits for kids, they can get angry for a while.
When we DON"T set limits for kids, they can stay angry for a lifetime.

"I am my kids' leader - NOT their unlimited service provider."

"Love and Logic techniques help me figure out what I CAN control instead of what I WISH I could control."

"This year, I will spend more time playing WITH my kids than shopping for them."

Day 23

"When I feel like yelling, I'm going to whisper."

 

"I cannot make the roads perfectly smooth for my kids.
But, I CAN prepare them to handle rough roads."

"I love you enough to set limits and tell you 'no'."

"I have learned that a small change in MY behavior can make a big difference."

[Parent asks child who has caused a problem]:"What do you think you need to do?"
[Child responds]: "Say sorry?"
[Adult responds]: "That's a great START."
[Child gets the gift of thinking about some logical solutions].

"Slow down... enjoy... and remember what it's all about."

Day 24

Pampered children seldom grow up to lead happy lives.

Parents who pamper their children steal away their child’s ability to achieve through struggle.

Never allow children to make decisions that affect others.

Never allow children to make a decision unless you are willing o allow them to live with the consequences of that decision.

Love and Logic Day #21

Day 21

 

No parent should put up with bad behavior. Allowing kids to misbehave is very damaging to them. They think they are incapable of controlling themselves.

Children whose parents provide no limits or controls become very insecure. 

Just because a child cries or has a fit doesn’t mean that parents are wrong or needs to give in.

No rewards come to parents who are not willing to pay the price.  Stand firm in the consequences of your child’s actions that you have given.

It is never too late to change a behavior pattern.

Make your words Gold not Garbage.

Never tell a child to do something unless you intend to follow through.

When child refuses to obey, take them by the hand to another location, lower your voice and tell them that that is enough, and what you expect them to do.  Then say, do you think it would be wise for you to continue acting that way?  Get back in there and show me that you can behave.  Thank you!

When you can’t think of a consequence for their behavior right away, tell them you’ll let them know later what you are going to do about it.

Always follow through with the consequences you set forth. 

Love and Logic Day #20

Day 20

We want kids THINKING about and owning their problems. Often, it's a matter of ASKING them what they are going to do about it instead of TELLING them.

Stay classy... when there is a conflict. That way, your kids will see how to stay classy when there is a conflict.

"If you don't clean up, I'm not taking you." can become:
"I'll take you as soon as you clean up."

Celebrate you kids' successes - big and small.

We know that giving kids everything they want is bad for them.

Expecting kids to work & earn things they desire sends messages that they are capable and will enhance self-concept.

"We could change the world if we all intentionally modeled for our children the constant value of helping others."
~ Unknown

Too much rescuing sends messages that say, "You are fragile and need to be rescued."

"Today, my kids are going to help. They will contribute even if they complain at 1st and even if they don't do things exactly like I do."

"I tend to do extra things for people who treat me with respect."

Some of the most powerful messages in the world have little to do with the actual words spoken.

 

Love and Logic Day #19

Day 19

“Love you [pause] too much to fight about this."
~Said lovingly, but without a lot of emotional energy

 

Safe driving responsibility on teens shoulders.  Financial responsibility. 

Never buy your teen a car. 

Teens pay insurance, gas, wear and tear on car.

Have teen call insurance agents. 

Teens leave a cash deposit of the amount of the deductible for your insurance if driving your car. 

Never pay for a teens ticket. 

Be firm about driving under the influence. 

 

Don’t inconvenience Mom when she’s on the phone.

Mom is the most important person in the house.

When children inconvenience you on the phone they get to do the chores you would normally do, since they took your time and energy away from your personal time.  If children inconvenience you on the phone, ask the person on the phone to hold, have children wait while you are on the phone in their room or in the family room.  When you are done, then have them pay you back by doing extra chores.

Love and Logic Day #18

Day 18

My kids will face challenges. I will empower, not enable.

"The struggle my child faces today can become the strength my child possesses tomorrow."

Potty training doesn’t have to be a frustrating experience for either you or your child. The most important things to remember are:

·           Little children copy what they see their parents doing. That’s why it’s so important to let your tots see you using the potty…and having a good time doing so. (While this may be a bit embarrassing for some, the results are well worth the discomfort.)

·           Offer lots of choices.  For example “Do you want to use the upstairs potty or downstairs potty?” “Do you want to bring your favorite toy or leave it in your room?” The more small choices we give, the less resistant our kids will be.

·           Remain calm and empathetic when accidents happen. Punishment never works when it comes to potty training.

·           Allow your child to train at their own pace. Some kids are ready before they are two years old, others aren’t ready until they are around four. When we try to force the issue before our children are ready, frustration is all we will achieve.

 

Do your part to fight RDD (Responsibility Deficit Disorder).

Love and Logic Day #17

Day 17

Adult children living at home and not respecting rules, doesn’t clean up after himself, lounges around and doesn’t help out, no job.  You wouldn’t let anyone but your child treat you like this.  Take away their free ride.  They may hate or dislike you at first, but one day they will thank you for helping him out.

 

Provide adult child with a “Good Neighbor Policy”.  Writing a letter allows the child time to think, and make the decision of how he wants to behave, and where he wants to live.  The good neighbor policy is a letter stating that you will treat your child as if he was a neighbor or friend staying with you for a short term.  Your expectations are in the letter as well. 

 

An enforceable statement tells the child how you are going to run your life instead of telling him how to run his life.   Such as for allowance, when the child runs out and comes to you for more, you could say, I’m sorry, I’m out of money.  I’ll be giving you more on Saturday, as usual.  When the child claims it’s not fair, say I know.  As the child continues to complain continue to say, I know.   

 

The benefits of doing the right thing aren't always visible immediately.

Love and Logic Day #16

 

Day 16

"I try to let my kids seeing me treating others with kindness and compassion every day."

 

Matching Funds:  When your child desires to have a really expensive item, you give them a set amount that you will pay after they have earned the rest of the money they need. 

 

Children who solve their own problems have more self-respect than children who don’t. 

Provide some choices for the child, instead of just one solution, if they ask for your advice. 

 

Don’t pay for good grades or punish for bad ones.  This only causes a power struggle.

Love and Logic Day #15

Day 15

Struggle is a way kids get stronger. Hope for some healthy struggle today.

Keep your 'credit score' high with your kids - say things that come true while avoiding empty promises, warnings and threats.

 

Parents do not need to react immediately or have all the answers on the spot.  A more effective approach is to delay dealing with a problem as long as the child knows something is going to happen.

 

Deliver consequences when you are well prepared and calm. 

 

When possible deal with problems when they are not taking place.  Tell the child you are not sure what to do about this, but that you will get back to them.

 

Don’t abandon common sense.  Some situations require immediate response for safety reasons. 

 

Hard work, struggle, be respectful, and personal responsibility.  

 

Expect children as young as six to do at least 20 minutes of chores each day.

Expect chores done by the end of each day.  Do not remind them about chores.  If a child goes to bed and has not done his chores, let him sleep for 30 to 45 minutes then wake him and tell him the end of the day is near, and he is to get up and finish his work.  Don’t take “no” for an answer.

 

Love and Logic Day #14

Day 14

Four Steps to Responsibility

Give the child a task she can handle.

Hope that the child “blows” it.

Let equal parts of empathy and consequence do the teaching.

Give the same task again.

 

Turning Bad Decisions into Wisdom.

There are many different ways to make our children carry the lion’s share of the thinking.

Many different ways to force decision-making. 

Many unique and creative ways to express genuine sadness for children who make mistakes.

 

Say things with genuine compassion and understanding.  Hold child’s hand, or place you hand on their shoulder.  This greatly increases the effectiveness of what you have said.

 

Child: 

It’s not fair!

That’s stupid

My friends don’t have to do that

This sucks

I don’t care

All the other kids get to

You’re just using that love and logic stuff again

Where’s that nice mother I used to have

I hate you

You don’t love me

Everybody else gets to do it

I’m not doing it, and you can’t make me

Why do I have to

I’m the  only one who ever has to

But I don’t need my coat

But I don’t like this kind of food

It’s not my fault.  The teacher just doesn’t like me

You’re so old-fashioned

Don’t try to pull that love and logic stuff on me

We don’t have homework.  The teacher lets us do it all at school

I really need those $125.00 running shoes

If you love me, you’d let me. . .

You never. . . or You always. . .

No words but the “rolling eyes” syndrome

I don’t have to put up with this.  I’m going to live with Dad

 

Parent: 

Probably so

Could be

True

That’s a possibility

I’m afraid so

Thanks for noticing.  I’m trying to be a better parent.

Gone forever, I’m afraid.

Who knows?

Would you rather I went back to yelling and screaming

What was my old way?  I’ve forgotten

That’s sad.  But I still love you.

Do you think you’ll hate me forever, or do you think you’ll get over it?

I guess I’m kind of hard to love at times.

Do you think you’ll still hate me at dinner time?

Nice try.

What do you think I think about that

Don’t worry about it now.

There’s no hurry.  Just have it done before your next meal

That could be today, tomorrow, or Saturday.  It’s really up to you.

Take your time.  I only expect it done by the end of the day.

If you don’t understand why after you finish, I’ll be glad to explain.  

I bet it feels that way

Won’t it be exciting to find out

All the more for the rest of us

Maybe you’ll like what we have for the next meal better

That’s up to you

It must feel awful to get grades like that.  Is there any way I can help

I know how bad grades hurt, but we’ll love you regardless of the number of years it takes you to get through that grade.

Thanks for noticing

I bet that’s true

Old-fashioned parents must be a drag for you

Be sure to smile when you say that

Antiques are rare and priceless

Oh really.  What kind of stuff do you want me to pull on you

Nice try.  Bring me a note from your teacher

I’m sure your report card will tell the story on that.  Good luck

Oh, honey.  Do I look like I believe that  

Do I look like I just fell off the Stupid mom truck

I might have a hard time believing that if I said it myself

Go for it!  I’ll donate $35.00.  When you earn the rest, you’ll have them.  I can’t wait to see you wearing them.

Nice try

I bet it looks that way.  Tell me more.

 

The best response to “eye rolling” is no response, but if you must say something try this:

What are the eyes saying today, Pal?

 

I love you wherever you live

 

Never discount the child’s feelings with flippant remarks.  Say what you need to say with compassion and understanding.  Adults attitude is crucial to success.

Love and Logic Day #13

Day 13

"Let's both spend some time thinking about this and see what we come up with."

When a kid challenges your decision with a "But, why!!??", experiment with a "What do you think the reasons might be?" instead of a long justification.

Retaining your child in school can be a huge blow to their self esteem, and can leave scars that are difficult to heal. 

97% of children who avoid schoolwork have self-concept problems with emotional overlays. 

Identify the root causes of the child’s underachievement.     

Create a plan for success.  Changes in family patterns, strong cooperation between parents and teachers.  Counseling for child.  Different teaching and relationship strategies at school.

Retention scale.

Parents love children regardless of their school success.  Our children need to hear this.

Love and Logic Days #11 & 12

Day 11

Choices are like fishing:
Make a decision for a kid, avoid a bad decision today...
Teach a kid to make good decisions, empower him/her for a lifetime.

 

Day 12

Real world lessons are remembered longer when the adult is sad and understanding, instead of angry.  Children need the opportunities to make mistakes.  They need to be allowed to live with the consequences of those mistakes.  Parents, stay out of the way long enough to let our children figure things out for themselves.  This takes faith and support. 

 

Kids have messy rooms.  They keep their rooms like most adults keep their garages.  They look at them as storage rooms, not show places.  To little space for the amount of stuff one has.  How a child keeps his room is not necessarily how he will keep his house.  How a parent keeps their house is an indicator of how a child will keep his house.  Loosen up about perfect room, and be a model by picking up after one self.  Just ask children to shut their doors when company comes.  Be reasonable. 

 

Give reasonable deadlines, instead of demanding something be done NOW!  Giving deadlines gives the parents time to come up with what they will do for those who have not complied.  Example:  Everyone who has a clean room by Saturday at 9 will get to go ice skating with us. 

 

Let the children help to customize their rooms.  They’ll take more pride in them.  When the children want more expensive things than you can afford.  Help them find a way to make up the difference.  This teaches responsibility.  Keep a list of household jobs on the fridge that the children can earn money for. 

 

One day you’ll miss those messy rooms, and the kids too!       

Love and Logic Days #9 & 10

Day 9

Giving my kids a good life does not mean removing all struggle and disappointment.

 

Some parents don’t agree on raising children.  It’s rare for two people to totally agree.  You can’t change a person.  Become a good model with your parenting skills.  Share what you’ve learned. 

 

When your child comes to you with something outrageous as a solution (in this case wanting money), such as “I’ll just have to start selling drugs”, the best thing you can say is “That’s an option”.  This will usually stop the child in her tracks, and cause them to do some serious thinking. 

 

We learn how to be parents by following our parents example.  However today children are aware of their “rights”.  They use this against parents.  Be sure to give your children choices with consequences, and always follow through with what you said you would do (the consequence) if the child chooses the lesser of the two choices.

 

Avoid telling children how to solve their problems, instead offer a menu of choices (things other kids have tried).  Then ask them to look at the possible consequences of each choice before deciding on a course of action.  The child will make a good choice and feel good, or a bad choice and gain wisdom through experience.

 

Children are mirrors of our own behavior.  They will imitate our actions, tone of voice, attitudes, values, and fears. 

 

Children will be more cooperative when they feel they have some control.  This happens when they are offered choices. 

When parents are in an emotional state is not a good time to come up with choices to give your children.

There are times when we have to either give orders or tell our children there are no choices. 

When we are constantly giving our children choices, and then we have to give an order, the children are more accepting of our order. 

 

Acceptance and Approval are two different things.      

Everyone makes mistakes.  It’s helpful for our children to be able to talk with an interested, not blaming, adult about their experiences.  Just because you listen doesn’t mean you approve of what happened.  Parents listen with curiosity, interest, and ask sincere questions. 

Parents need to be concerned about their teens plans for handling undesirable activities more than they are about restricting those activities. 

Knowing your teen can handle the adversity and temptations associated with an activity is far more important that weather the activity is good or bad.     

 

Day 10

Take good care of yourself (and your kids) by setting firm limits, in loving ways.

We can kill our children’s spirits with love and criticism.

Children who live with criticism grow up to be critical and chronically unhappy.   

Attacking, nagging, humiliation, fault-finding, ridicule, rejection, and criticism.  These cause the child to become less and less confident.  They recognize what they do wrong, instead of what they do right.  Children don’t learn by being corrected, they learn by modeling and example.  Bite your tongue when you want to tell your children what they did wrong.  Bite your tongue when you have impatient words that indicate your child does not measure up.  Focus on what your children do well.     

 

Love and Logic Day #8

Day 8

Empathy allows us to remain the 'good guy' while the child's poor decisions remain the bad guy.

It’s ok to take a firm stand on a desired behavior.  Your voice needs to sound firm, NOT angry!  Tone of voice and body language.  Demand responsible behavior.  Look your child in the eyes, stand tall, and do not tremble or quiver.

Rehearse, mentally  your new techniques before trying them out on the children. 

 

While shopping remember that we as adults touch and examine products.  Our children are trying to learn to be big, by copying adult behavior, hence the reason they touch everything in the store.  Learning through modeling.

Tell children to touch only those things that he can afford to pay for.  Spend time practicing which things touch and handle and how to handle those items.  Give positive praise when they touch and handle things properly.  Before shopping have a brief review.  Teach, practice, reinforce. 

 

It is impossible to control the thoughts and actions of another person. 

Set up situations in which the child or person decides it is best or in their best interest to do as asked, (coming to dinner for instance or waiting till breakfast to eat).   

Love and Logic Day #7

Day 7

When children threaten to move out because you won’t buy or do something for them.

“I’m not doing/buying that or anything today, but I’ll still love you, wherever you live”.

 

When child is misbehaving at the table or making a mess, “Oh, goody, meal’s over”.  They will eat for sure at the next meal. 

1.  Eat nicely and have all you want.

2.  Act out an end the meal immediately.

When children do not eat their meal and are excused, they will complain later.  Do not give in to them.  Make them wait until the next meal.  Express empathy by saying, “Yes, I get really hungry too if I don’t eat enough when I have the chance.  But don’t worry, we’ll be eating again soon.”

Make your word Gold.  Only make statements that can be enforced.  Enforceable statements say what we will allow, what we will do or what we will provide. 

Be sure to practice your techniques often.

   

Love and Logic Days #4, 5, & 6

Day 4

Struggle:  Give children more responsibility, by making chores and tasks a top priority.

Be consistent in your expectations about chores and tasks. 

Chores and tasks at home come first, before any other activities, jobs, or homework.

Do not overcompensate, so as to change what was not good in our childhood into something opposite—but still not good.  Don’t trade bad for bad. 

Do not let your child play Mom against Dad.  Mom and Dad need to have a consistent set of expectations for their child.  Children must put forth effort to get the things they need and want. 

Parents stick together and support each other when child confronts you.

 

Day 5

Limits provide the security children need to develop self-confidence.

No, is a fighting word. 

Force the children to do most of the thinking.  Replace No with Yes.

Thinking words instead of fighting words.

I’m sure that’s true. . . and feel free to __________________

I bet that’s true, too, . . . and

That could be true, too,. . . and

Day 6

The Strategic Training Session:

Have set up with someone to come and get your child and take them home to their bedroom if for instance you are out shopping and they are being onry.  You can give them the choice to go to their room or use a quiet voice.  When they choose their room, call the person you’ve chosen and have them come and pick up the child from the store, take them home, and put them in their room.  Next time this occurs they are sure to think twice about their decision.

 

Criticism:

Think about what you say to the children when they are sassy or talk back to you.  Do they feel criticized?  Most people have a hard time with criticism, even if well intended.  Criticism does not bring on long term behavior changes, instead it breed resentment and erodes self-confidence. 

 

It does not pay to discuss problems with children when they are upset, only when they are happy.  Listen without defending or judging.  When they are done, be sure to say, Thanks for sharing.

 

Eliminate criticism, help child express his real feelings, help them find new words to express how they feel.

 

Empathy with consequences forces a child to think about his or her mistakes instead of being mad at the parent.

 

Children must have control we want them to have.  Don’t keep reminding them of things they need to do.  When they suffer the consequences they will think about their choices.  Maybe ask them, what are you going to do?  This makes them think about how to solve their issue, so it doesn’t happen again.  It’s their problem. Don’t punish them for their mistakes by taking things or privileges away, this will change the situation from a child who is a thinker to a child who wants to fight.  We must give equal parts of consequences and empathy. 

 

Deciding how much control and how much freedom to give and when to give it. 

Some children start out with to much control, they become angry and act out.  When the parent places limitations on them they become more angry.  They feel they are being robbed of something that is rightfully theirs.

 

Parents need to give out control in increasing amounts. 

Birth - Toddler:  mittens or gloves – chocolate milk or white milk

Elementary:  soccer team or swim team – how to spend their allowance

Junior High:  study after school or in the evening

High School:  just about everything

Leave Home - Adult:  everything      

 

This creates healthy and loving families.

 

The inverted V causes children to tantrum.  When the rules are tightened the child is constantly angry due to loss of privileges and control and is always saying, it’s not fair, you are always treating me like a child. 

 

Children need to have the opportunity to make decisions, within structure.

Firm limits. 

Each year the child gains a little bit more control than the last year.

   

Love and Logic Day #3

Day 3

Responsible behavior vs. blind obedience:

Responsible behavior by providing children with advice and a range of choices that carry consequences.

Blind obedience is threats, intimidation, force, and commands.

 

Making dependent babies into independent adults, children must constantly be faced with decisions.

Parents who give choices and consequences discover that they actually have more control over their children than parents who boss their kids around.

 

Reasonable and firm limits for children. 

Children with limits are more secure, easier to teach, don’t act out as much, have high self-confidence.

Firm limits are a gift of love.  Orders do not set limits.

Describe to the child what you are going to do, what you are willing to do, instead of telling them what to do. We set limits by offering choices. 

 

Teenagers:

More and more independence so that the child makes most of his own decisions during the last three years in the home. (15-18).

They make decisions & live with the consequences of their choices. 

Start with choices with minor consequences and gradually move to chocices with severe or complex consequences.

Children need to struggle & overcome adversity.

Parents must demand responsible behavior.  Demand careful thought.  Demand problem-solving.

Offer a number of choices or ask what she thinks will be best.

 

Curfew:

Questions, answers, and consequences.

Child can choose where they are going as long as the parent can get ahold of them in an emergency.  If plans change child needs to let parent know. 

Child sets the parents alarm clock for the time they plan to be home.  Child must sneak into parents room and turn off the alarm without waking the parent before the alarm goes off.  If alarm goes off and child hasn’t called to let parent know plans changed, parent will worry and call for some help for the child.

Thank child for the phone call informing parent of plan changes.

If child breaks curfew without notification, then asks to go out again, tell them you don’t have the energy to worry about them.  They are free to go another night after the parent has caught up on the sleep lost over worrying about the child the last time they were out. 

OR

Child asks for help preparing something, parent says ordinarily they’d be happy to, but they are to tired from the last night of sleep lost over worry, so they will have to ask the parent some other time.

 

Love and Logic Day #2

Day 2

We send our children messages through facial expression, body tone, and tone of voice. Children should feel capable, lovable, and valuable.

Winks, nods, smiles, eye contact, touches, nonverbal encouragement.

Self-concept.

 

School for children: 

Parents and children learn how to talk to each other in safe and supportive ways.

Have child point out the best things he did on his papers.

Have your child describe the reasons for her success.

Work with your children on mistakes only when you’re asked to help.

Be patient.  Have faith.

 

Timing in reasoning with children is crucial.

Children must be in a receptive emotional state to “hear” a parents advice.

Let children experience the natural consequences of his behavior.

Reason with a child when both parent and child are happy.

Bedtime Routine:

The challenges of adolescence can be harder for parents to deal with than for their kids

Bedtime is a time of frustration for many parents. They wish it could be a magical time to reconnect with children and share fond memories. Here are some easy ways to make those dreams come true:

Bedroom Time vs. Bedtime
The journey to bedtime bliss starts with renaming bedtime. Kids need to think of this time as "bedroom time." It's a time for them to be in their rooms, but not necessarily with their eyes closed. Wise parents never try to control the uncontrollable. "You get in your bed and go to sleep, right now!" creates a power struggle over something parents cannot control. A skillful child can keep a parent engaged with this argument for hours.

Slowdown Time
Bedroom time is a journey in itself. It starts with "slowdown time." A slowdown routine is essential. Children's brains operate at a high pitch and don't shut down as quickly as adult brains. Parents should announce the beginning of slowdown time about 40 minutes before bedroom time.

Slowdown time includes turning off stimulating activities such as television, exciting music, and family games. It also is a wonderful time to give kids choices:

·                               "Do you want to go to bed right now or in 10 minutes?"

·                               "Do you want to brush your teeth in the kitchen or the bathroom?"

·                               "Do you want a story first or your bath first?"

·                               "Do you want a drink in the kitchen or in your room?"

·                               "Do you want a piggy back ride or walk on your own?"

·                               "Do you want the light on or off?"

·                               "Do you want to get tucked in or do it yourself?"

·                               "Do you want to go to sleep right away or try to keep your eyes open as long as you can?"

There is magic in choices. They speak directly to the human need for control and can produce amazing results. Be sure to offer choices you like. Never give one choice you like and one you don't.

The kids are given no more than 10 seconds to make their decisions. If it takes longer, make the decision for them. Kids become quick decision-makers when they know their parents will be making the decision for them if they don't act quickly.

Some children like to negotiate in the face of choices. Resist the temptation to argue or reason at this time. Use Love and Logic® arguing neutralizers, such as "I love you too much to argue about that, maybe you'll like tomorrow's choices better." Repeat this phrase as often as necessary without sarcasm or anger.

Remember there is nothing more contagious than a yawn. Experiment with yawning and acting sleepy during story time. It's great fun to watch the drooping eyelids.

Parent Time
Once the kids are in their room, that's where they stay. Announce that "kid's time" is over and it is now "parent's time." Stick to your guns on this.

Kids have been known to resort to, "It's scary in here. There's monsters in my room."

Just remember kids take their emotional cues from their parents. The best solution is to respond in a firm, yet loving way: "Well, sweetie, my advice is to make friends with them. See you in the morning. I love you!"

Give these Love and Logic® tips a try, and join thousands of parents who enjoy peaceful evenings with their kids!

Use what works for your family.  Here’s mine:

Bedtime Routine

 

·       Would you like a snack, or drink?

 

·       Would you like to brush your teeth before, or after your bath?

 

·       Would you like to take a bath first, or second?

 

·       Would you like to wear warm, or cool pajamas?

 

·       Would you like me to brush your hair, or would you prefer to do it yourself?

 

·       Would you like to choose the song, or say the prayer for scripture time?

 

·       Would you like a story, or a lullaby tonight?

 

·       Would you like a piggy back ride, or walk to your room?

 

·       Would you like to turn your night lights on and bedroom light off, or shall I do it?

 

·       Would you like me to tuck you in, or do you want to do it yourself?

 

·       Would you like to go to sleep right away, or try to keep your eyes open as long as you can?

 

Love and Logic Day #1

I just received a book on loan from a dear friend of mine. 

The Love and Logic Journal by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D.

Day #1

• Don’t show love by hovering or constantly trying to control.  Show love by always being available with advice.
• Gain control by giving some up:  give your child positive control by offering alternatives. 

I am a very impatient, intolerant, hovering, and controlling mother.  Today my son did not want to put his jacket on before going to school, despite the fact that it is 35 degrees Farenheight outside.  I offered a positive alternative by asking him to at least carry his jacket to school, just in case he needed it later.  It worked!  No tantrum, no arguing, and he was happy to take his jacket.