Love and Logic Day #14

Day 14

Four Steps to Responsibility

Give the child a task she can handle.

Hope that the child “blows” it.

Let equal parts of empathy and consequence do the teaching.

Give the same task again.

 

Turning Bad Decisions into Wisdom.

There are many different ways to make our children carry the lion’s share of the thinking.

Many different ways to force decision-making. 

Many unique and creative ways to express genuine sadness for children who make mistakes.

 

Say things with genuine compassion and understanding.  Hold child’s hand, or place you hand on their shoulder.  This greatly increases the effectiveness of what you have said.

 

Child: 

It’s not fair!

That’s stupid

My friends don’t have to do that

This sucks

I don’t care

All the other kids get to

You’re just using that love and logic stuff again

Where’s that nice mother I used to have

I hate you

You don’t love me

Everybody else gets to do it

I’m not doing it, and you can’t make me

Why do I have to

I’m the  only one who ever has to

But I don’t need my coat

But I don’t like this kind of food

It’s not my fault.  The teacher just doesn’t like me

You’re so old-fashioned

Don’t try to pull that love and logic stuff on me

We don’t have homework.  The teacher lets us do it all at school

I really need those $125.00 running shoes

If you love me, you’d let me. . .

You never. . . or You always. . .

No words but the “rolling eyes” syndrome

I don’t have to put up with this.  I’m going to live with Dad

 

Parent: 

Probably so

Could be

True

That’s a possibility

I’m afraid so

Thanks for noticing.  I’m trying to be a better parent.

Gone forever, I’m afraid.

Who knows?

Would you rather I went back to yelling and screaming

What was my old way?  I’ve forgotten

That’s sad.  But I still love you.

Do you think you’ll hate me forever, or do you think you’ll get over it?

I guess I’m kind of hard to love at times.

Do you think you’ll still hate me at dinner time?

Nice try.

What do you think I think about that

Don’t worry about it now.

There’s no hurry.  Just have it done before your next meal

That could be today, tomorrow, or Saturday.  It’s really up to you.

Take your time.  I only expect it done by the end of the day.

If you don’t understand why after you finish, I’ll be glad to explain.  

I bet it feels that way

Won’t it be exciting to find out

All the more for the rest of us

Maybe you’ll like what we have for the next meal better

That’s up to you

It must feel awful to get grades like that.  Is there any way I can help

I know how bad grades hurt, but we’ll love you regardless of the number of years it takes you to get through that grade.

Thanks for noticing

I bet that’s true

Old-fashioned parents must be a drag for you

Be sure to smile when you say that

Antiques are rare and priceless

Oh really.  What kind of stuff do you want me to pull on you

Nice try.  Bring me a note from your teacher

I’m sure your report card will tell the story on that.  Good luck

Oh, honey.  Do I look like I believe that  

Do I look like I just fell off the Stupid mom truck

I might have a hard time believing that if I said it myself

Go for it!  I’ll donate $35.00.  When you earn the rest, you’ll have them.  I can’t wait to see you wearing them.

Nice try

I bet it looks that way.  Tell me more.

 

The best response to “eye rolling” is no response, but if you must say something try this:

What are the eyes saying today, Pal?

 

I love you wherever you live

 

Never discount the child’s feelings with flippant remarks.  Say what you need to say with compassion and understanding.  Adults attitude is crucial to success.