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Friday, November 1, 2013

Love and Logic Days #9 & 10

Day 9

Giving my kids a good life does not mean removing all struggle and disappointment.


Some parents don’t agree on raising children.  It’s rare for two people to totally agree.  You can’t change a person.  Become a good model with your parenting skills.  Share what you’ve learned. 


When your child comes to you with something outrageous as a solution (in this case wanting money), such as “I’ll just have to start selling drugs”, the best thing you can say is “That’s an option”.  This will usually stop the child in her tracks, and cause them to do some serious thinking. 


We learn how to be parents by following our parents example.  However today children are aware of their “rights”.  They use this against parents.  Be sure to give your children choices with consequences, and always follow through with what you said you would do (the consequence) if the child chooses the lesser of the two choices.


Avoid telling children how to solve their problems, instead offer a menu of choices (things other kids have tried).  Then ask them to look at the possible consequences of each choice before deciding on a course of action.  The child will make a good choice and feel good, or a bad choice and gain wisdom through experience.


Children are mirrors of our own behavior.  They will imitate our actions, tone of voice, attitudes, values, and fears. 


Children will be more cooperative when they feel they have some control.  This happens when they are offered choices. 

When parents are in an emotional state is not a good time to come up with choices to give your children.

There are times when we have to either give orders or tell our children there are no choices. 

When we are constantly giving our children choices, and then we have to give an order, the children are more accepting of our order. 


Acceptance and Approval are two different things.      

Everyone makes mistakes.  It’s helpful for our children to be able to talk with an interested, not blaming, adult about their experiences.  Just because you listen doesn’t mean you approve of what happened.  Parents listen with curiosity, interest, and ask sincere questions. 

Parents need to be concerned about their teens plans for handling undesirable activities more than they are about restricting those activities. 

Knowing your teen can handle the adversity and temptations associated with an activity is far more important that weather the activity is good or bad.     


Day 10

Take good care of yourself (and your kids) by setting firm limits, in loving ways.

We can kill our children’s spirits with love and criticism.

Children who live with criticism grow up to be critical and chronically unhappy.   

Attacking, nagging, humiliation, fault-finding, ridicule, rejection, and criticism.  These cause the child to become less and less confident.  They recognize what they do wrong, instead of what they do right.  Children don’t learn by being corrected, they learn by modeling and example.  Bite your tongue when you want to tell your children what they did wrong.  Bite your tongue when you have impatient words that indicate your child does not measure up.  Focus on what your children do well.     


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